An open letter to the top ten ‘worst’ birthday party parents 

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This post is a response to the Scary Mommy post: The top ten worst birthday party parents, because I think we all need a little less bitching and a little more camaraderie in this thing called parenthood.

letter

  1. RSVP Optional Parent: congratulations you made it! I know it can be tough to get someone to cover your shift on a Saturday, or maybe you just plan forgot to rsvp but you’re here and we’re excited to share the day with you!
  2. The Early Birds: did you make the mistake of telling your child you’re about to go somewhere really exciting and before you know it they are out the door begging you to leave? Or perhaps you value people’s time and believe that on time is late! Either way, you’re so keen to rock up to help celebrate my child’s birthday that you’re early, and whilst you might have to stand there and watch me put the last sprinkles on the cake, we’re so excited for you to share this day with us!
  3. Dad who didn’t read the invite correctly: you sir, are a prince. Letting your partner stay at home whilst you and your child help us celebrate in this inevitably mother filled party. Sure, it’s a superhero dress up and your child is wearing his pj’s and the invite said bring socks and your child is not even wearing shoes- don’t even worry we’re pumped to be sharing the day with you. And yes, I did bring extra socks (because I’ve been there too)!
  4. Stripper Mum: you got out of bed today, you had a shower, got dressed and you brought your child to help celebrate my child’s birthday. Sure I have NO idea how you run in those heals but I promise I will never make a judgement on your charecter based on what you’re wearing! Related, where can I get me one of those push up bras?
  5. Social butterfly: boy, you sure can talk. Thank you for making the other parents less awkward by breaking the ice and chatting to them all. Perhaps you don’t get out as often as some of them, I know I sure do miss adult conversation. Sure, I really don’t have the extra time to look after your child but you’re in the company of friends and between all of us I’m sure we can make sure they are okay!
  6. One way mirror parent: did you only see my child push your child, but miss the bit where your child hit mine? Maybe you did, maybe you didn’t. Either way, if you’re happy to stop my kid, I’m happy to stop yours and then we can all get back to the fun. Thanks for coming and, whilst not my preferred method, thanks for helping me look after my kid.
  7. The parent of the kid who thinks the party is THEIR birthday (but it isn’t): please don’t be embarrassed. Sure, explain to your child that today is not about them, but they are a kid– everyday is about them. Normally this child is over tired, or in some cases could have a disability. Sometimes, they might just be a spoilt brat. Either way, take a deep breath, tell yourself your child has the traits of a CEO and know that we are really glad you guys came!
  8. Hungry hungry hippo: wow, you sure can put it away! Or maybe you had to skip breakfast in order to get your child here, or maybe you don’t have any food in your house. Heck, maybe you just eat a lot. Either way, I’ll be sure to cater extra next time but for now enjoy the party and thanks for celebrating with us. I know how hard it can be to just to leave the house some days let alone eat before you leave, so eat up and enjoy!
  9. Cake boss: wake up on the wrong side of the bed did we? I’ve had days like that too. Or perhaps your sense of humour is different to mine. Or maybe you are a little bit judgemental but either way I’m excited for the ‘perfect’ treats we’ll get to feast on at your child’s birthday and in the mean time thanks for sharing with us!
  10. Porn party parents: oh.my.god! What on earth are you guys on? And how do we get some? Congrats on keeping the passion alive, and thanks for taking the time out of your busy sex life… I mean schedule… To celebrate the day with us.

You’re not the worst birthday party parent. In fact, you’re the best. Yes, you! Because you made it, or you didn’t, but you’re doing the best you can and that’s fucking fantastic!

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